The days can be particularly long when you have to enforce the limits that were set.   It can be such a struggle when you are tired or have big plans.   It really feels like you are the one who is being punished!

I guess the biggest piece of Bob’s message that resonated with me, was when Bob said, “What lifestyle changes might you have to make so that you can establish the connection that every child needs to thrive; what personal, financial and material dreams might you have to delay?”

Being a parent is about being willing to make sacrifices.  

• What sacrifices are you making in order to enforce those limits and to create that connection?  
• What secrets do you have for surviving? 
• How has God blessed the sacrifices you have made?

A baby’s brain triples in size during its first year.  As parents, what are we filling those learning machines with?   What can we do to set them up for success?   What suggestions does the Bible have?   Bob’s message promises to have helpful hints and great insight into how God wants us to parent. Don’t miss the Elephant in the Nursery.

Until that time, I would like to throw out two questions.  What are some of the biggest struggles parents of one and two year olds have?  Is it becoming easier or more difficult to be a parent in today’s society?

I also knew that this would be a polarizing message.  Reading some of the comments from my previous post sound a lot like the comments I received after each of the services.  People were glad we hit this issue head on.  The Bible says the God’s Word is sharper than any double edged sword and I have a feeling that some people felt just how sharp it can be.  Those are the people I’m praying for.  I really am praying that they don’t dismiss what they heard, for the sake of their current or future relationship.  If you know one of those people, the best thing you can do for them is pray that God will continue to work on their heart.  It may take months, even years, but every person needs to come to their own conclusion that God’s way really is the best way.  We can’t force them to change, they have to want to change, and unfortunately sometimes it takes the pain of a failed relationship or marriage to bring that about. 

Living together before getting married is almost the norm these days. And honestly, I understand why some couples decide live together. There are plenty of reasons, but one of the most common is they watched their parents get divorced and they don’t want the same thing to happen to them. So living together becomes a compatibility test, will we get along? Will he have any annoying habits? Will she drive me crazy? (By the way the answers to those questions are: most of the time, yes and yes) But is it working? Culture tells us that living together is no big deal and that it’s good for the relationship, but is that true? Is living together helping marriages last longer? Does it help prevent divorce? Is what culture telling us true, or could there be a better way? If the goal is to have a happy, fulfilling marriage that lasts for the rest of your life, who’s got it right, culture or God? That’s what we’re going to be talking about this weekend.

One more thing, the beginning of the message promises to be very memorable…and that’s all I can say.

Pastor Bob Merritt commented that there are two reasons why pornography is so destructive. First, pornography is progressive and can be highly addictive. Some people take months to progress into a serious addiction; others can get hooked in as little as three days.

The second reason is that pornography and sexual sin are destructive – it is costly. The three main costs are:

Financial – getting hooked is costly – some are bankrupting themselves in a matter of months due to their spending on pornography.

Personal – Studies show that 71% of those addicted to porn battle chronic depression and thoughts.Pornography cannot satisfy the God-given need and plan for intimacy and relationship.

Relational – There is an enormous cost to relationships – especially to your spouse. For those of you who are not married there is even damage done to your future relationship with your spouse. Sin always leads to death and many relationships and marriages have been damaged and destroyed by this activity.

Are there any hidden sins in your basement? If so, are you willing to become honest and admit it to yourself, God and others?The good news is that there is hope, healing and forgiveness available for those who take the step of seeking help with their struggle with this. This type of sin has a dual affect of shame and isolation – so it takes courage to come forward for help. You are not alone and we have arranged for a four week session with Dr. Doug Fry starting Tuesday, April 29^th, from 7 to 9pm at a very reduced cost of $50. Sign ups are online and at the end of your registration, you’ll receive the confidential location. There is also a confidential hotline for you to call – (651) 251-4141 Also – if you have any other questions on sexual addiction – Dr. Mark Laaser’s website is www.faithfulandtrueministries.com.

Being in a ministry position that works closely with those who are hurting and struggling with life’s issues – I see the damage pornography does peoples lives.  Though this sin tends to be very private in nature – the destruction can become very public in the form of damaged marriages, families and careers – not to mention hurting one’s own walk with God.  What’s amazing is the level of escalation.  What I mean is nobody plans to become addicted to porn.  Like all addictions it starts small but can grow very quickly.  It may begin with a longer glance at someone at the gym, then fantasizing about a co-worker, to watching an inappropriate movie on cable, to spending hours online, to acting out.  In extreme cases this progression can happen for a person in as little as a week.           

I know not many people will want to tell their story when it comes to pornography, so use a fake name or no name at all (we’ll respect confidentiality), but I know there are many men, and families, who have been affected negatively because of their use of pornography.  I also know many men who have broken free from their struggle.  If you’re one of those people reading this, what would you say to those who think that viewing porn is not big deal?

By the way, for those who are struggling with pornography, as a church we are here to help both you and your marriage if this is an issue.   

If you are struggling with sexual purity, please call our confidential Elephant in the Basement hotline. The phone number is (651) 251-4141.

We will also be offering a class beginning on Tuesday, April 29 at 7pm. Please click here for more details and registration.

Those six things sound great in a sermon, but I’m aware that living them out with a teenager is a huge challenge.  Each teenager is different and some may be more important than others depending on the kid and the time in their life.  If you are looking for some further resources to assist you in parenting teenagers I would recommend David Walsh’s book “Why do they Act like That?” and “Parenting teens with Love and Logic” by Foster W. Cline & Jim Fay. 

At the end of my message, I mentioned that one of the biggest Elephants in the Teenagers Room is that parents and teenagers really do love each other.  In the video that we showed at the end I asked teenagers to complete two sentences for me:

1. Mom and Dad thank you for……

And

2. Mom and Dad I love you because……

Teenagers, how would you finish those two sentences?  Parents, how would you answer those two questions regarding your children? 

1 John 4:11-12 says, “Dear Friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made perfect in us.”  Reflect with love of Christ in your family this week. 

As a former youth pastor I have to say that teenagers are some of my favorite people in the world to hangout withI know that sounds weird to some of you, but I love teenagers. However, let’s face it, in some ways adolescence is a lot like the terrible two’s. Teens can be volatile, impulsive, and unpredictable. They can have mood swings, temper tantrums, infatuation with the word “no”, and take foolish risks. Your teenage daughter can be laughing with her friends one moment and crying over the fact that she can’t find a shirt to match her pants fifteen minutes later. And parents are the ones who take the brunt of this. Teenagers are constantly changing, but they never warn their parents about it. And so all of a sudden one day you wake up as a parent only to realize that you are apparently out of touch, you’re kids think you’re dumb, but 15 year old Eddie down the street has all the answers to life’s questions, and your son or daughter wants to debate and argue about everything, and you’re like whoa when did this happen.

This weekend we are going to be talking about the Elephant in the teenager’s room. So to get us started I would love to hear from some teenagers, “what is one insight that you would want your parents to know about teenagers”. And from the parents, “What is the most helpful advice that you have learned that you would like to share with other parents.” If possible, I’d like to hear from parents at all stages in the parenting game, whether its empty nesters or newborns.

Too often, the topic of sex is neglected by the church, but as Bob pointed out this weekend God created us as sexual beings and gave the gift of sex to be thoroughly enjoyed between a man and a woman in the context of marriage.  However, the fact is that men and women are very different creatures and we tend to approach sex from very different places. 

To help bridge those differences, Bob first offered men the following three key insights:

• A woman’s mind is like a computer with multiple windows open at all times.
• She has a lower sex drive than you.
• For her, sex starts in her heart.

Bob followed that with three vital observations for women:

• Most men are insecure and need your affirmation.
• Men have a God-given, physiological need for sex and you’re the only one who can meet it.
• Men need their wives to take care of themselves.

(For further explanation and information on these and other insights, check out the books For Men Only and For Women Only, which are listed on the right-hand column of the page.)

For me, learning how my wife’s mind works (the “computer with open windows” analogy really clicked for me!) has been invaluable.  I now look for ways to do things to help around the house and resolve relational conflicts in ways that can help her “close” those windows.  How about you – which insight stuck out most to you?  And what are the practical steps you can take from that learning?